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I vowed I would never blog again...not after the accident. You can't imagine the pain that absorbs your heart when you misspell EVERY word in a 3 page blog. I was so young and reckless. I thought I could blog about the world; boy was I wrong. I don't know anything about Indo-China and the strength of the Yen vs. the Native American currency "whompam". So, I told myself I wouldn't blog again. I was through typing out of my ass and nonchalantly misspelling words.

However, I broke that promise when I agree to write for the DC Comedy: 4 Now Blog because they pay by the word. (Seriously, you can’t beat the fucking money.) Also, they know how to wine and dine a boy. They took me to Benny HaaNaa’s (I don’t know Chinese) and they COOK IN FRONT OF YOU! It was amazing. Shrimp taste so much better after they’ve been tossed in the air, while being tossed in a teriyaki sauce, while an Asian-American man bangs metal cooking utensils inches from your face. I still sort of feel bad for not tipping, but come on they didn’t “serve” us. A waiter is busting their ass going back and forth from the table to the kitchen; he’s hustlin’. Also, you don’t tip the cooks at Appelbees, so why would you tip the cooks at Benny HaaNaa’s? For all I know the cooks at Appelbees are flipping the shit out of my food, but I’ll never know because the cooks at Appelbees are shy and don’t want to cook in front of people…and that’s a shame.

Next, the big shots that run DC Comedy: 4 Now Blog took me to the National Zoo. BORING!!! That was almost a deal breaker, but then they waived more money in front of me and WAMO: Jay had a tallboy beer in my hand and an Elephant Dog. (I hope to God the Zoo people didn’t make the “elephant dog” from REAL elephants, because when we were there I didn’t see ONE elephant, which leads me to believe that the Zoo people are fucking liars, or they kill elephants for gimmicky food products.) Oh BTW, you haven’t lived until you see two snakes fucking. Talk about a regular “who’s fuckin’ who”; it looks like a retarded child try to roll the hose up instead of using the hose whinder-upper.

Finally, the big wigs who run DC Comedy: 4 Now Blog got me a Singing Prostitute-O-Gram. On paper, it sounds like a good idea because I love whores and karaoke. However, do you know how hard it is to maintain an erection when a middle-aged, chubby Korean woman is belting out “She Works Hard for the Money…So Hard for the Money!” I felt guilty, but when you’re getting a great deal, it heals all wounds.

I’m glad to be on the winning team of DC Comedy: 4 Now Blog. I’ll be dropping in from time to time to say “what’s up” and “I got beat up again”, but until then know I love you all.

Much Love,

Jay