Tales from the Road: Oberlin College

On Friday Hampton Yount, Tim Miller, and I joined Mike Blejer in returning triumphantly to his alma mater, Oberlin College. Oberlin College, where no one is surprised by the number of students that are into men, but Tim is surprised by relatively high number of black people. I think they should definitely use that in their recruitment literature.

Seven hours each way, the whole trip took about a day and a half meaning most of the time was spent not agreeing on musical tastes and deciding which one of us was most racist, but isn't that what all road trips eventually devolve into?

Okay, on to the show, which was in a coffee shop/performance space that could probably hold a good 300 people if you were pushing it, or 40 people if you were putting on a comedy show last Friday. Despite the less than stellar numbers the Oberlin crowd was receptive and seemed to enjoy everything except PowerPoint presentations and Hampton's gay, incestuous suicide fantasy (which happens to be one of my favorite jokes in the world). We probably should have shortened our sets to account for the lack of audience but after seven hours in the car, no one is gonna tell no one that they can't do what they intended to do. Fuck you, English language!

Apparently, much of our problems stemmed from the bad word of mouth after the last stand up performance just one week prior from a bunch of racist, sexist New York stand ups (take that New York!) that we would love to know the names of for no reason in particular (**update** a review of the New Yorkers' show was found online. The last line tells you exactly why our crowd wasn't huge). At any rate, we did so well that we got invited to a rocking college party that we (suspiciously) weren't able to locate, thus ended up drinking at the local watering hole before going back to the hotel to watch my new favorite movie, Beer League. Also, Beer League is the worst movie I've ever seen.

All in all, despite minor setbacks that trip was a blast and would go back to Oberlin in a second, although I should probably wait for an invite.

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A New York State of Mine

Since Jay wrote about the shows he did in San Fran, I thought I would try to recall the trip I took up to NY last month.



The Family Hour @ Ohi's Lounge
Ochi's Lounge is the bar in the basement of Comix, the super club in the Meatpacking District. The room presents comedy shows 7 nights a week and was created as a home for some of the displaced shows following the close of Mo Pitkin's (a venue in the east village that had about 15-20 regular shows). It's not the largest room on earth but it was packed to the hilt with people and was a great start to my Friday Night. The show is hosted by the amazing Sara Benincasa who you can see here interviewing the Stella guys for her role in this years MTV Choose or Lose campaign.


The Greg Johnson and Larry Murphy Show
This was next show on Friday night, at ye olde Rififi. Who the fuck knows why I was on this show since it just won the ECNY award for best Variety Show and also on the bill that night were Todd Barry and Demitri Martin. This was my last show ever at Rififi, a place that holds a pretty special place in my heart being the center of the downtown scene for at least the last three years and the home of "Invite Them Up." this one was a lot of fun.

(more shows after the jump)

Friday Night Special @ The Village Ma

After Rififi I headed to the West Village to the Village Ma for a show run by Barry Rothbart, Mike Ennis and Jeff Cerulli. The Ma is a few doors down from the Comedy Cellar and looks way too much like a comedy club to not actually be one. It's actually a Thai restaurant with a performance space in the back and was recently sold as well, so this show too, is in limbo. That's right, DC, we aren't the only one's constantly being screwed over by changing management. Just pray that the new owner's don't go ahead with their proposed new name for the venue, Whiskey Dick's. (seriously.)


The Beauty Bar
This one is hosted by Vince Averill and Jesse Popp in a bar designed to look like a hair salon. Most of the audience sits in barber chairs so they are already designed to hate you. On this night it was actually sleeting so it was a surprise when it turned out to be a packed house. (and by packed I mean that you couldn't even physically get in to see the show at one point due to the huge crowd) The show was phenomenal and those dudes are awesome making a great finale to the trip.

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Bar None! Part 2...I'm sensing a recurring theme, Larry!

Disclaimer: I ate 3 pounds of bacon this morning. That's not the disclaimer. The disclaimer is please excuse the lack of grammar and utter disregard for proper spelling while reading this. I can't help it. I eat a lot of bacon and sometimes it affects the way I think.

Last week I had the good fortune to do another amazing bar gig. Now I've said before that bar gigs can go one of two ways: amazingly awful or please let my car hit a barrier on the way home awful.

The show was in the banquet hall of a bar in Baltimore that we will call the Kingdom of Fun for the sake of protecting the innocent. Actually the venue wasn't bad at all. The room was nice. The sound system wasn't bad. The clientele were attentive and appreciative. So you're probably thinking Larry, what was the problem then? There were 9 people there. Nine people in a banquet room that holds about 80. If you have nine people and they're all laughing it still doesn't feel like you're doing well. In fact it doesn't even feel like you're doing a show. It feels more like a relaxed work meeting and you're making everybody laugh by poking fun at Steve from logistics.

[Hit the jump people! Rednecks inside!]


After the show a guy came up to me to offer advice on how I should end a few jokes. Luckily the 9 PBR's this guy had during the show really cleared his head so that the creativity could flow easily. He basically told me to end a joke that I do with a racial slur. The joke is about horoscopes. It doesn't even involve people.

(Thanks for the tip Bad Teeth guy)

I'm going to give this show an amazingly awful rating because I didn't have an urge to drive into a concrete barrier on the way home. Sure I left the Kingdom of Fun questioning what I'm doing, but I can't lie and say that I didn't somehow have fun. It's one of those shows that while you're doing it you are saying to yourself "this is awful, but I'm liking it" and then you immediately ask yourself "Am I retarded?"

By the way...with Christmas on the way pick yourself a gift that keeps giving this holiday season. The Larry Poon Doormat. The description says it all.

"Poonified" Doormat --- $39.99 "Some pompous douchebags may also be selling doormats, but none of their doormats have the heavenly vision of Larry Poon smiling up at them while they wipe the dog shit off their feet. This is most likely your only chance to run your shoes, sandals, flip-flops, or your bare genitalia on Larry Poon's face, so take advantage of this item while it's in stock!!" Read more!

Tales from the Road: Bar None!

Disclaimer: My spelling and grammar is atrocious. I also like to use ellipsis A LOT. I'm bad at word play and thinking of titles that are creative. I almost named this one Chicken and Corn and it has nothing to with chicken or corn. But you'll have to deal with it. I'm an ICON and I wear Valour.

I had a one nighter last night at a bar in Baltimore. Bar gigs usually go two ways. "Painfully awful" and "only slightly awful". There are a few reasons for this and the one that tends to be the number one reason is that no one in the bar seems to to ever know that a show is going to be happening.

However, this was not the case last night because there was nobody there to not know that a show was going on. I got to the bar around 8:20 for the 9:00pm show and walked into the following scene.

(The bar had less people than this.)

That's a slight exaggeration. There were a group of 5 people gathered around a pool table. The bathrooms were right by the pool tables so as I was in the bathroom I could overhear one of the guys at the pool table saying "I just love alcohol" over and over. I was only in the bathroom for a couple of minutes. In that time the guy said that phrase 12 times. I love alcohol too, but when you proclaim your love for it out loud 12 times in a span of two minutes you probably have a problem with alcohol.

I had a couple of Poon Nation Fan club members show up so while I was entertaining them I looked over my shoulder to see the Booker/headliner having a heated argument with the bar manager. I excused myself from the discussion on how great I am and walked over to find out:

THE BAR DIDN'T HAVE A SOUND SYSTEM AND THE BOOKER/HEADLINER DIDN'T BRING ONE.

Apparently that was one minor detail that the bar overlooked and the Booker forgot to follow up on.

So we discussed our options:

(A bullhorn was actually discussed and quickly tossed out as an option because nobody has bullhorns.)

The lack of sound system overshadowed (and rightly so) the fact that by 9pm only a handful of people had showed up to see the show so the bar management decided that it would be "best" to cancel the show.

I still got paid which is rare for when shows like these get cancelled. So this bar gig will be filed under "only slightly awful". I have a make up date in January. I hope they have a sound system.

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Philadelphia Improv Festival '07 Recap

Last weekend I performed with the Washington Improv Theater troupe Jackie at the Philadelphia Improv Festival . I went two years ago as a member of Season Six (where Stuart and I had the pleasure of meeting Philly's worst-whore-woman-beast of a bartender). This year marked PHIF's 3rd anniversary and it has already grown alot since it began. In fact, Philadelphia is very similar to DC's improv scene. It has a small community, in which there are just a handful of groups on the forefront. The main being the Philly Improv Theater, whose members created and produced the festival. Philadelphia's improv influences do travel far as groups from New York, Washington DC, Chicago, and LA all came to the city to perform.

What you get at the PHIF is a close group of fellow improvisers and a pretty good mix of talent, all of whom are eager to try something fun in front of a new crowd. Some of the troupes I enjoyed the most were The Gunshow (NYC), who did a fantastic long-form show involving a father trying to tell his son about sex as he is being hauled of to jail and 30,000kHz of Sound (NYC), a BAT show done completely in the dark. Unfortunately, there was also the "hahah poop!" induced shows that left me looking for the exit. But hey, that is what you get a an improv festival right? Overall, you get the sense that the PHIF is making quick strides to become something one everyone on the east coast looks forward to by sticking to their guns and inviting strong, long form based shows year after year.

Jackie had a great show, as did the other troupes from Washington Improv Theater; 161, Caveat and iMusical. Jackie's show actually marks the last performance of Zack Phillips in WIT. Zack has been incredibly instrumental in making Jackie and WIT what it is today and I am sad to see him go. Too bad he is just too damn talented. I need more dull friends, so they will never leave me! Zack, I wish you luck buddy.

iMusical actually closed out the festival Saturday night with one of their more silly performances, which included Jordan Hirsch singing to heart-broken parent Shawn Westfall about how "raising a hand to your child" was the fast way to gain back your child's respect. I loved it and I plan on using that advice when I have children. And yes, I will be singing as I do it.

Weird. How did Jay get in here?

Anyways a big thanks to Matt, Rick, Nathan and Alli for putting up the festival and inviting WIT again to join them. Philadelphia is like DC's sister city. I know there are incredibly talented improv comedians in both towns and it is up to people like WIT and the Philly Improv Theater to continue making sure people know about them.

Philadelphia Comedy: 4 Now? See you guys in 2008. Read more!

Boomer Sooner!!! ( A Tornado of Jokes)

This past weekend was one for the Books. I had a show in Norman, Oklahoma and had a reunion with 5 of my closest friends on the face of the Earth. Needless to say that I don't remember a lot of it, but thanks to photos I have memories. I won't talk about my reunion, but I'll blog about the show. Here we go...

I was nervous to perform in Oklahoma. Not because I didn't have faith in my material, but because I didn't have any faith in my material in that time zone. I know my jokes kill in Washington, DC and South Carolina, but was clueless as to whatSooners might find funny. I arrived in Norman on Thursday afternoon and until showtime on Friday night my performance weighed on me like a bag of doubt.

The Deli was the name of the venue that I played. I was opening up the band Galapagous, which my friend plays the keys for. The Deli isn't the most lavish of venues, but it's got heart and sometimes that's all you need. This was the first comedy show that this venue had ever had, and no one really knew howcomedy shows worked. So, I made sure that I had someone to bring me up and lay down some rules like "don't talk" and "pay attention" and "no cell phones". My friend "Crazy" Steve Baptist has a way with words so I asked him to bring me up. This is I got brought up: "If this guyaint ' funny...8-Balls for everyone!!!" That was the last thing out of his mouth. Do you know how much pressure you're under to be funny when the prize for your failure is free cocaine? I almost wanted me to fail just for the free blow. The street value of that 8-Ball would be more than what I got paid. (if you know the value of goodcocaine, then you know I didn't get paid much.)

I took the stage and talked about the free cocaine, the band for allowing me to open for them, and the lovely audience that came out early to hear live local stand-up comedy. That's the best feeling when people come out to support you, and they have never heard of you before. That's cool. I started off strong and kept it up the entire show. These people are in the middle of the plains and a lot of them have never even been to a live stand-up show before. It's an odd feeling to take someones live comedy cherry from them. Norman, Oklahoma I hope you enjoyed your virginity while you had it.

Everything was great up until my last joke. I started it and that's when this one guy felt it was time to inform me that I was Not Funny. He shouted out 3 times, so I took him up on his offer for conversation. He wanted me to know that he didn't want to say what he said, but felt he had to say it. I asked him why he didn't want to speak his mind in the middle of my show, and he responded with "causeI's tryin ' to be nice and didn't want to cause a problem." To which I responded, "and you are aware that that is exactly what you're doing now, right Sir?" I got a huge applause from the crowd, and finished my joke to laughter.

After the show I am taken aside by a guy who really enjoyed my show. I'm pretty sure he did because he kept shaking and holding my hand as he mumbled. He was Native American and loved me. He invited me to his house for a drum circle. I'm not making that part up. He invited me to beat on his tom tom's. So, just as Shakes to Much Hands was talking to me, the Heckler walks up to me. "Hey, you shouldn't make fun of god!" I reply, "I wasn't making fun of god, I was talking about people using god to advertise, especially Christians." Then he says, "You need to respect god, or you'll likely to your ass kicked!" I brushed him off and let it go, but Shakes to Much Hands didn't. He assured me in a mumble that he'd kick his ass long before he got to me. I like Native Americans. Why do ignorant Christians automatically turn to violence when they feel that their values are attacked? Becauseopenin' a big ol ' can of whoop ass is just what Christ would do. The main reason I'm not a Christian is because I don't want that guy on my team. If I had to go to Heaven and be surrounded by all of those people and NOT commit a sin against them, I'd go crazy.

This is how the rest of my trip went:
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Obligatory Halloween Post

Found this little gem over at the CC Insider. If you're going to go trick or treating, why not find out what candy bars are popular in Armenia? HINT: this video won't tell you...

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Hi, I'm back from Israel!

This is Israel. Well, it's not all of Israel, but it's a city in Israel. It's actually Jerusalem. I went there, and it's a lot like Mrytle Beach; except replace putt-putt and fried seafood with Jesus and religious gift stores. Other than that they're the same.



This is the Western Wall, or the more common "Wailing Wall". It's the most holy thing in the Jewish faith according to my tour guide. People go ape shit here. There was a couple of Hasidic Jews banging their heads on the wall and really praying up a storm. Here is something I found interesting: You know how Muslims and Jews haven't historically gotten along, well I won't go into the historic details, but let's just say that they've got religious beef. Anywho, the 3rd most important spot in Islam sit directly above the Wailing Wall. So guess what happens from time to time when you put a bunch of religious, nuts (on both sides) next to each other? Yep, some shit pops off. So, why in Allah's name do they have to remain next to each other? It should be like grade schoole and the teacher moves the kids to opposite sides of the classroom. Who wants to pray in South East Asia!!!?



The Dead Sea is amazing. You float so easy because of all the salt. I felt like I was Peter Pan and flying on water. It's a really good time. However, there is a hitch in the fun. If you have ANY cut on your body it is really painful. And I mean ANY. Like let's say you had an upset stomach and had to take a healthy poo poo before you went swiming in the Dead Sea. And this particular poo required extra paper work and it gave you a case of the Red Ass. If this happened to you then your asshole would feel like it was dipped in a burning, openly infected herpies sore. Yes, that's what happened to me. However, it was instantly healed 12 hrs later.

I enjoyed Israel. Read more!

Advice from the Road: Lil' Wing Man

Last night we had a cute waitress @ Greg Norman's Australian Restaurant in Myrtle Beach, SC. I leaned over to my 10 year old little brother and said, "hey, we need to figure out a plan so i can get her number. You'll be my little wing man." He replied, "I got it. Next time she comes back to the table just punch me in the face."

I thought it was a brilliant move, but apparently knocking out your little brother in a fancy restaurant wasn't her idea of a good time. COME ON! I thought this was South Carolina. Read more!

Tales from the Road: Kentuckian Jokes

Whenever I divulge that I am a comedian in a new group of people I inevitably get one of two responses; “Hey, tell me a joke” or “Hey, here is a joke for ya!” I heard this joke from a local at the Ramada Inn Bar and Lounge, off Exit 2 in Louisville, Kentucky over the weekend.

So, there is this [whisper] black guy and a Chinese guy on the opposite sides of a pond. Every notice when a racist really wants to say the N-Word he whispers “black guy” instead? The Chinese guy is skipping rocks and the Black Guy sees him from across the water there and says to him self “Hey, I don’t have a job. I think I am going to go over there and rob that Chinese guy.” Yes, that was the setup. Of course. Chinese guy skipping rocks and a Black guy with no business being there except to commit a crime. Continue please. So the Black guy goes over to sneak up on him, but notices that when ever the Chinese guy skips a rock to goes “Ching! Chang! Chong!”. Every time, without fail. When he throws a rock, same thing happens, “Ching! Chang! Chong!” The Black Guy doesn’t know what could be making those sounds, but he still needs the money so he decides to rob him anyways. Yeah, let’s not forget the Black Guy is a criminal. So he pulls out a knife and presses it against the Chinese’s guy’s throat and says ‘Give me your money!! But first…I keep hearing noises coming from the pond every time you skip a rock. How do you do that?” Yep, you read that right and it just as awkward when it was being told. The Black Guy engages in conversation about the fucking pond AS he is robbing the Chinese guy. Like that is the only what Black people know when to communicate, as they are committing a felony. The Chinese guy replies “Well, this is a magical pond and every time I skip a rock it tells me the names of my ancestors. Ching, chang and chong.” AND the Chinese Guy is so dumb he forgets there is a knife pressed against his throat! That is some sneaky racism. The Black Guy thinks to himself, “Well shit, I don’t know who my daddy is, so I am going to try this out myself.” Okay, he gets one more blatantly racist comment in before the punch line. Strap in, folks. Here comes a dozy. So he grabs a rock, skips it across the pond and hears “Chim! Pan! Zee!”

Now the reaction he receives is the correct one, complete silence. Now this fucking comedic genius does what any comic does when a joke bombs, he tries to save face. So he goes “That was a bad one, I know. That was a bad joke huh?” No, buddy. Bad Taste, yes. Bad joke, no. FUCKING HORRIBLE FUCKING JOKE. Not only was it blatantly racist, (where he tried to cram in 10 different racist jokes into one. I mean, stick to one and maybe we can have a good time here) he completely ditches the fact that the black guy is robbing the Chinese guy throughout the first part of the joke! No conclusion to that story. So does he get the money or not!?! Why bring it up!? Oh, yeah. This fucking hillbilly couldn’t figure out another way for these two characters to meet. I mean, could the Black Guy been fishing? OR just walking through the woods. Nope, he had to want to commit a crime. So I get it, the whole joke is to say that Black people are descended from monkeys, but he obviously took way to long to get there and distracted his audience with comments on the black guy’s criminal urges. I didn’t know what was supposed to be the joke. Black guys are criminals or they are monkeys. Let’s choose one for the sake of the joke. Plus, aren’t we all an evolution from primates? So his joke, needless to say, is a little inaccurate.

This led to several other tasteless jokes though out the night by him and several other locals around the bar. The highlights: salesmen mistakenly eat what they thought was buttered corn on the cob but was instead corn used to fuck an old lady. A Mexican mistakenly eating what he thought was buttered popcorn but was actually popcorn that had been pissed on. Assholes become larger after you go to prison and Vaginas look like doughnuts. Thank you Louisville!

I got some comedy gold here people! I plan on using them at the next open mic. But, please I know what you are going to say. Yes, I will tighten up the beginning to the Pond joke. Read more!

Hey! Watch this!

Whats up DC Comedy: 4 Now blog readers! How's everyones monday going? I'm the 4th guy who writes on this blog, and my name is kojo mante. Thats not important. What is important is watching this video a few of us local comics put together over the weekend. We tried to touch on major issues like global warming, and i-Phones. If you waiting to finish reading the post before clicking the link and you mouse over words as you read them, then click here!

Or just watch it right here!
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Advice from the road: Louisville

Never, under any circumstances eat the Farmer's omelet @ the Gordon Biersch in Ronald Regan National Airport. That grisly assortment of eggs, bacon, sausage and veggies are your ticket to ass pain. Gate A-2 now departing from your rectum. Read more!