From Host Ben Long: Mad Hatter Comedy Open Mic will be Wednesday, November 8th, 9-11pm, and every Wednesday thereafter. Doing well will matter as winning comics, as determined by who gets the most votes (so bring your friends to vote for you), will get 25 and 50 dollars for 2nd and 1st. Comics can sign up starting as early as 5:30 with me, Ben, as I will be bartending from then until close and hosting the show. The Mad Hatter is on 19th and M in midtown near Dupont Circle.
Contact Ben Long at benlong10@yahoo.com for info if need be.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
New Open Mic @ Mad Hatter
Monday, October 20, 2008
We Are Alive!
Get out tonight to Chief Ike's! Now with less Bukkake! Sign-up 7:30! Show starts...
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Stand-Up for Diversity
Only the first 100 comics who arrive will be seen so early attendance is strongly recommended. Comics will have one minute at the initial audition. A handful will be invited back later that day to perform a longer set and the top comics will be selected to perform in the showcase the following
evening. This is not a show that will air on NBC, but rather an opportunity to be showcased for agents, casting directors, and television executives in consideration for future casting and development
This open call is for diverse comics who are serious about being funny. You must have five minutes
of polished material.
For more info, check outwww.DiverseCityNBC.com or www.StandUpNBC.com
Past finalists have:
Signed Talent Holding Deals with NBC
Received a trip to Los Angeles to showcase for agents, managers, and casting directors
Performed at the NACA (National Association of Campus Activities) Convention
Performed for talent executives from “The Tonight Show with Jay Leno” and the creative team
behind “Last Comic Standing.”
And much more...
Sunday, October 12 at 10 a.m.
36 Light Street, Baltimore, MD 21202
Oh How Novel
The great originator of this blog Nick Turner said to me words that I'll never forget. I had just started doing stand-up again--a little more half-ass than before; and I had just come off stage from killing the momentum of the show and really had made it awkward for the next guy to go up when Nick took me by the shoulder and walked me over to the corner of Chief Ike's, got down to my eye level, put both hands on my shoulders, looked me dead in the eye and said, "Fuck man, I really need some weed".Which to me, meant that Nick needed content. He needed content for his metaphysical being, his blogself if you will.This blog really needs some weed right now.
And I will be the first one to admit, that I have have not been paying my dealer who will now not front me any dope. All my friends are out because I have just been smoking theirs while just saving mine to get high school girls stoned in Safeway parking lots.As an artist and as a person one of my biggest problems is novelty. It has been this way for me for as long as I can remember. Many, many of life’s endeavors have just gone unfinished because once the euphoric quality of a task as dissipated so has my interest in following through with it.
I always started off the school year like a terror, off that fresh feeling of “This year is going to be different”. If the school year would have been 5 weeks long I would have been number 1 in my class. Around the 6th week, school was able to hold my attention about as well as a "Reba" marathon on Lifetime. But the last few weeks of the semester especially when I was in borderline country such as a few points away from puling a "C" to a "B" or a "B" to an "A" or whatever the case may have been, school had a new sort of vigor to it and once again I would be engaged--my situation would again have certain novelty to it. Living your life in order NOT to get your ass kicked by your parents certainly keeps things interesting.
It could be said that it is just putting things off to the last minute, that I am lazy; and that is true. I have a reputation with my friends and family for being late to things. It is something that I am trying to improve upon at the moment. But let me ask you this: what is more exciting, getting somewhere early and waiting for everything to start? Or discovering that your Volkswagen Golf can go zero to sixty just under 7 seconds?
Sports and the school year always started off the same way…I would always start off hot but then cool. I was very streaky, especially as a batter in baseball. I always had to “feel” something, I had to be riding high or I was just flat. I was a pitcher in high school and in college, I always loved going in relief or closing a game much better than I liked starting a game. And for the most part I was a starter, but the part about starting that sucked was waiting around for the game to start. And sometimes that would start about two days before the first pitch. I never understood why I had to be there so early. The game would start at 1 and my coach would want everyone there like at 10 O'clock. As I got older, I learned that I could sneak off for a little bit during home games to a pizza place up the street, where I would spend about 45 minutes playing "Gallaga".
The need for novelty has permeated into every aspect of my personality. I don't think I really ever had much of a relationship with a woman until I recognized this fact about myself. But then later, I would just use it as a crutch as I waxed pathetically, "Yeah, but I'm just so complicated...I just have this need for novelty, its really complex and difficult to explain", as I would turn into the entire cast of "The View". I dated a Czech girl for a while, who’s accent and overall view of culture certainly had a novel appeal to it and I think that is the draw for many at first with an “exotic” relationship. But then after while I realized that she is human like anyone else--as much as I wanted her to be a member of the ne0-faction Millennia Unit of the Post-Eastern Block Gestapo assigned to me as part of a reconnaissance assignment that would end one night as she would slice my throat in my sleep, kiss me “Good-bye” (with tongue) and Parkour out the bedroom window into a waiting limousine.
This need for novelty has been to me in my work-life has been about has hampering as one of Nomar Garciapara’s hamstrings. Jobs I have held in my life: more than 30? Since I was 15, I have averaged about 2 jobs per year. I was only fired once? Twice, maybe...has to have been at least 3 times. But most of the time I just got bored and even when I would stay with a job, I made sure everyone knew I was bored. I think over the years, my grandmother has died twenty-two hundred times, a handful more than my grandfather, and while I have yet to father a child, the kids I have had, have had to be picked up from school for everything from the sniffles to cholera. “Yeah, my son has dysentery...yeah, well hey, I thought the Ganges would be cleaner than Ocean City”. I never could sit still. I always had to be somewhere else, doing something “cooler”.It took me a long time to figure out, to do the really cool stuff, you have to do a lot of boring worthless shit--well not all worthless, feels like it though. One of my favorite jobs I ever had was when I was 18--I delivered sausages, "Spicy Chorizo". I drove a refrigerator truck from my hometown up in Maryland, all around the beltway, stopping at Shoppers Food Warehouses and little bodegas all along the way. I would go down as far as Dale City and Burke city Virginia. That job had constant novelty. I was once flagged down by a pregnant hooker, who I thought at first must have been going into labor. As soon as I pulled over not even coming to a complete stop, from the look I was getting I realized that she wasn't going into labor, which was the quickest, weirdest, saddest session I had ever had of putting "two and two together".
So, I guess what I am trying to convey is...I've hit a rut with this blog. I am doing a disservice to its originators Nick and Jason who deserve more than what I have been giving it. I wanted and I still do, to be a resource tool for networking and discussion in the comic community here in DC and Baltimore too. I think I hit a downturn a bit, the novelty had worn off and the work of it all started to bring me down a bit. But it is something that I am trying to shrug off, that’s what life is about, most of it, if not all of it, is--not everything is always new and refreshing. So, really, I guess what I should say here is, “Shut the fuck up Mike, and just do the work”.
Monday, September 29, 2008
A Couple of Earth Day Notes from George Carlin
"Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain, For strip-mined mountain's majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee, And hides the pines with billboard signs, from sea to oily sea." — George Carlin
And from "The Planet is Fine", by: George Carlin
We're so self-important. So self-important. Everybody's going to save something now. "Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails." And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. What? Are these fucking people kidding me? Save the planet, we don't even know how to take care of ourselves yet. We haven't learned how to care for one another, we're gonna save the fucking planet? I'm getting tired of that shit. Tired of that shit. I'm tired of fucking
Earth Day, I'm tired of these self-righteous environmentalists, these white, bourgeois liberals who think the only thing wrong with this country is there aren't enough bicycle paths. People trying to make the world save for their Volvos. Besides, environmentalists don't give a shit about the planet. They don't care about the planet. Not in the abstract they don't. Not in the abstract they don't. You know what they're interested in? A clean place to live. Their own habitat.
They're worried that some day in the future, they might be personally inconvenienced. Narrow, unenlightened self-interest doesn't impress me.
Besides, there is nothing wrong with the planet. Nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine. The PEOPLE are fucked. Difference. Difference. The planet is fine. Compared to the people, the planet is doing great. Been here four and a half billion years. Did you ever think about the arithmetic? The planet has been here four and a half billion years. We've been here, what, a hundred thousand? Maybe two hundred thousand? And we've only been engaged in heavy industry for a little over two hundred years. Two hundred years versus four and a half billion.
And we have the CONCEIT to think that somehow we're a threat? That somehow we're gonna put in jeopardy this beautiful little blue-green ball that's just a-floatin' around the sun?
The planet has been through a lot worse than us. Been through all kinds of things worse than us. Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drift, solar flares, sun spots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles...hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets and asteroids and meteors, worlwide floods, tidal waves, worldwide fires, erosion, cosmic rays, recurring ice ages...And we think some plastic bags, and some aluminum cans are going to make a difference? The planet...the planet...the planet isn't going anywhere. WE ARE!
We're going away. Pack your shit, folks. We're going away. And we won't leave much of a trace, either. Thank God for that. Maybe a little styrofoam. Maybe. A little styrofoam. The planet'll be here and we'll be long gone. Just another failed mutation. Just another closed-end biological mistake. An evolutionary cul-de-sac. The planet'll shake us off like a bad case of fleas. A surface nuisance.
You wanna know how the planet's doing? Ask those people at Pompeii, who are frozen into position from volcanic ash, how the planet's doing. You wanna know if the planet's all right, ask those people in Mexico City or Armenia or a hundred other places buried under thousands of tons of earthquake rubble, if they feel like a threat to the planet this week. Or how about those people in Kilowaia, Hawaii, who built their homes right next to an active volcano, and then wonder why they have lava in the living room.
T
he planet will be here for a long, long, LONG time after we're gone, and it will heal itself, it will cleanse itself, 'cause that's what it does. It's a self-correcting system. The air and the water will recover, the earth will be renewed, and if it's true that plastic is not degradable, well, the planet will simply incorporate plastic into a new pardigm: the earth plus plastic. The earth doesn't share our prejudice towards plastic. Plastic came out of the earth. The earth probably sees plastic as just another one of its children. Could be the only reason the earth allowed us to be spawned from it in the first place. It wanted plastic for itself. Didn't know how to make it. Needed us. Could be the answer to our age-old egocentric philosophical question, "Why are we here?"
Plastic...asshole.
So, the plastic is here, our job is done, we can be phased out now. And I think that's begun. Don't you think that's already started? I think, to be fair, the planet sees us as a mild threat. Something to be dealt with. And the planet can defend itself in an organized, collective way, the way a beehive or an ant colony can. A collective defense mechanism. The planet will think of something. What would you do if you were the planet? How would you defend yourself against this troublesome, pesky species? Let's see... Viruses. Viruses might be good. They seem vulnerable to viruses. And, uh...viruses are tricky, always mutating and forming new strains whenever a vaccine is developed. Perhaps, this first virus could be one that compromises the immune system of these creatures. Perhaps a human immunodeficiency virus, making them vulnerable to all sorts of other diseases and infections that might come along. And maybe it could be spread sexually, making them a little reluctant to engage in the act of reproduction.
Well, that's a poetic note. And it's a start. And I can dream, can't I? See I don't worry about the little things: bees, trees, whales, snails. I think we're part of a greater wisdom than we will ever understand. A higher order. Call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. The Big Electron...whoooa. Whoooa. Whoooa. It doesn't punish, it doesn't reward, it doesn't judge at all. It just is. And so are we. For a little while.
Friday, September 26, 2008
On a Silver Platter...
Ok here it is...the first ever "Friday Morning Joke Contest for DCCOMEDY4NOW.COM" and this entire contest was inspired by the article below. I like smart comedy, I like it when its cutting edge and thought provoking but when it comes down to it, all I want to do is talk about "pee-pee" and "cah-cah" (Dick and Fart Jokes). You're guaranteed to hear a joke about this on one of the late night talk shows next week--pitch your own bit here in the comment section.
From the article: Charge dropped against man accused of farting. He had an upset stomach, but police didn't let him go to the toilet, he says
Jose Cruz, 34, who police said passed gas and fanned it toward a patrolman, will no longer be charged with battery.
SOUTH CHARLESTON, W.Va. - A West Virginia man accused of passing gas and fanning it toward a police officer no longer faces a battery charge.
The Kanawha County prosecutor's office requested that the charge be dropped against 34-year-old Jose Cruz.
Cruz, of Clarksburg, W. Va., was pulled over early Tuesday for driving without headlights, police said. According to the criminal complaint, Cruz smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and failed three field sobriety tests before he was handcuffed and taken to a police station.
According to a criminal complaint, Cruz passed gas and made a fanning motion toward patrolman T.E. Parsons after being taken for a breathalyzer test.
"The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature with Patrolman Parsons," the complaint alleged.
Cruz acknowledged passing gas, but said he didn't move his chair toward the officer nor aim gas at the patrolman. He said he had an upset stomach at the time, but police denied his request to go to the bathroom when he first arrived at the station.
"I couldn't hold it no more," he said.
He also denied being drunk and uncooperative as the police complaint alleged. He added he was upset at being prepared for a breathalyzer test while having an asthma attack. The police statement said he later resisted being secured for a trip to a hospital that he requested for asthma treatment.
Cruz said the officers thought the gas incident was funny when it happened and laughed about it with him.
Cruz, who was arrested Tuesday, still faces two charges: driving under the influence and driving without headlights, and two counts of obstruction.
Read more!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Palace in Wonderland
From Rob Loving: We're hosting a fun open mic at D.C.'s Palace of W
onders. More comics needed! It's bi-weekly, Sundays. Next one is October 5th. The Palace of Wonders also keeps their kickass calendar up to date on their site.
Every other Sunday, 9 p.m. Sign up @ 8:30, or email me in advance: dirtylovingcomedy@gmail.com
Address: 1210 H Street NE, D.C.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Message from Andy Rothwell:
Hey there!
LIVE HUMANS IN DC is at Solly's this Tuesday (9/23), and it's gonna be ~the last time to see BRYSON TURNER perform around here while he's still a DC resident - he sets off for Austin in a couple of weeks. A lot of the folks on this list were there when he featured at the first of these open mics at the Palace of Wonders last April. If you're one of the people that is getting this and you haven't happened to see him at one, come out! Here's a clip from that night made by my friend Mandy: www.youtube.com/watch?v=bRZGbYpYJr4. And his myspace page: www.myspace.com/brysonturner.
And next week (9/30) we're at Solly's Tavern again with more comedy, with featured artist DAMONE MILLER (www.myspace.com/tmlaughs).
Alright, hopefully see you soon,
Alright, hopefully see you soon,
Andy
Friday, September 19, 2008
DCComedy4now Wins Bramburger Award
DCComedy4Now has been awarded the Joel Bramburger Award for Electronic Journalistic Excellence for 2007-08. The award given to Jason Saenz and Nick Turner was accepted on their behalf by Mikael Johnson.
Joel Bramburger is credited with creating the first blog that was read as a community net-working device for professionals and amateurs in the field of Fly-fishery. Bramburger started the "aintitfly.com" blog to talk about fly-fishing, post local hot-spots and host different linked videos from various aspiring hosts who had hoped one day to have their own televised fishing show. Bramburger's blog, which he started out of his home in Madison, Wisconsin, soon was receiving 2o million hits a week--mostly due to his acerbic take on locally minority owned convenient stores.
The organization B.E.M (Betterment for Electronic Media) gives out the Joel Bramburger award out of a collection of finalist from whom they have chosen or that were nominated by local constituents. Dccomedy4now.com was nominated by the DC Journalist Society and the Cronkite Center for Electronic Bloggers.
There was some speculation around the community as to whether the Joel Bramburger Award existed at all and it does not. It was actually conceived by the person who accepted it, dccomedy4now contributor, Mikael Johnson. Johnson explained to us just now, after he wrote that last sentence, "I was short on content per usual and I thought why not give ourselves an award. This site lacks integrity so, f-it...I have nothing else to do right now". Johnson then followed up his previous answer with this question, "How does it feel to interview yourself?" Johnson immediately replied with, "Ok, I mean, I know what question is coming and even though I know what is going to be asked, I still say it aloud and allow myself like this moment to think about it and respond. The whole 'ask-reply process' is sort of like a cameo by Christopher Walken in the movies these days--kind of unnecessary". Why Bramburger? "Uh...I think its because at work last week, I ran into a guy with that last name, it just sort of stuck in my head". Why Fly-fishing--"Uh just popped into my head, seem arbitrary enough". Why are you typing 'Uh'? No response.
Johnson says he considers giving himself an award tomorrow.
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