Jason Saenz Finds Apartment, Fires Willie Randolph

Aspiring comedian Jason Saenz fired New York Met's manager Willie Randolph early Tuesday morning during a recent string of personal moves as he starts to get acclimated to New York City.

Though the firing of Randolph wasn’t a surprise by those around town as the Mets entered tonight’s play at 34-35, what was surprising was that Saenz, a native of Fairfax VA, is the one that brought the hammer down on Randolph.

“I’m surprised, I loved this organization and though my relationship with Mr. Saenz has been non-existent until this point, I respect him and his decision”, said a befuddled and emotional Randolph.

Randolph who played most of his career in New York as a member of the Yankees while serving as a bench coach for a 11 seasons, leaves the Mets after little over 2 full seasons with a .544 winning percentage.

The real buzz around the Randolph firing has been the 3am fax that was sent out to the press revealing the news. Apparently it came just an hour after Saenz had contacted Randolph. The ex-manager relayed his version to the press,

“I got a phone call at around 2am—it was hard to hear at first, because I think Mr. Saenz was playing Madden 08…after he put the game on pause and told his buddies to “shut-the-hell-up”, he gave me the news”.

It was after Randolph retold this aspect of the story that he had to leave the press conference for 5-10 minutes to compose himself.

“F**k him, I would of done the same thing to Isaiah Thomas (former President of the New York Knicks) if I had arrived in town in time, said a very relaxed Saenz who was found in a laundry room that he was given permission to use by “a-friend-of-a-friend”.

Saenz who hasn’t made his mind up about Eli Manning, said the release of Randolph came right after he checked off “get a post-office box” on his to-do list that he made prior to arriving to New York.

“I got a sublet; I’ve signed up for some improv classes; and the other night after doing Rory’s (Scovel) show, I was digging out money to chip in for pizza and there it was on my list, and I was like—‘Shit! I forgot about Willie!’ Saenz explained.

Saenz who has been asked to possibly help out Tatum O’Neil with her drug charges, shrugged at the idea.

“You know I saw ‘Paper Moon’ and it was the only time I ever wanted to punch a kid…who knows…but I got laundry to do ya know?”