The holiday of mandatory commercialized love is upon us! Embrace it or die!
Even still, I am not going to write about how I “love comedy” or how she is my “soul mate”. That type of sophisticated analogy is better left for a more personal affair. Instead, let’s celebrate V-Day by doing what we truly love; acting like anonymous, hacky idiots on a meaningless blog!
So without further ado..
The Top Things You Don't Want to Hear on a First Date
1."Oh, this is clearly the home where a rapist lives."
2."Hmmm...so like WHO'S LINE IS IT ANYWAYS?"
3."I once beat a Samoan man in a finger banging contest."
4."So you're a comedian? ...Really?"
5."Fuck Shaun Taylor! Fuck Health Leger! There is a WAR going on!"
6."This barbeque sauce tastes funny."
7."Do they allow valour track suits in this restuarant?
8."Hi, I’m Curt. Here is a 10 page printout of how this date should go."
9."You ever have gravy drank out your butt?"
10."I have a whole bottle of olive oil back at my place."
Got one of your own, sugah? We won’t judge you. We love you just the way you are, DC.