Yes, Revernend, I'll Get You the Money

Every time I fall for this scam, well read the ad with hope, I hear Eddie Murphy's character from "Coming to America". The same guy that is doing this scam is also sending you emails about your new and plentiful savings account in Mozambique. I was suspicious this time right off the bat. However, I am still a fool and inquired anyway but got pretty much the same response last time. The add this time was for 2 bedrooms, in Cathedral Apartments for $1000, and then in the ad it went to $1300...here it is:

ADDRESS :1001 L Street NW, Washington, DC Region: Northwest Bedrooms: 2 Bedrooms Bathrooms:1 Bathrooms Price: $1300.00/MonthLease Term: as Long as you which Deposit: $1300.00.refundable.Application Fee: $0.00

Highlights from the Ad:
The letter from the man:

"It is a great pleasure that you are interested in my house...Thanks for your email and it is my gladness hearing from you.I am Rev.Matthew Zablub,the owner of the family home you are making enquiry of.I and my wife and our 15 years son are presently in West Africa working in an AIDS orphanage with missionaries from our chruch.as the lord says in his word(matt 24:14 and this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in all the world as a witness to all the nations,and then the end will come)so i hope you will solicit to take very good care of the house and maintain it,so we can be rest assured that we finally found a caring one to take good care of our house do it like just your own.So get back to me on how you could take care of our house. perhaps, to examine the experience you have in renting homes. Hope you are okay with the price of $1300(per month) with hydro,heat laundry facilities,washer,heat air condition,Dryer and so on"
Also it asks:
IF YOU HAVE A PET,NAME OF PET: _____________
HABITS DO YOU SMOKE? ______________ DO YOU DRINK? ______________ DO YOU WORK LATE NIGHT? ___

What people can do to prevent themselves from getting scammed by this little operation:

1.) Keep your head free from the inside of your ass while looking for apartments

2.) Know, that you will only get a studio apartment for under $1000 in Washington DC; and a 1 bedroom, with the square footage of a matchbox is going to start out at $1500 (cheapest).

3.) Know the signature voice of these ads: (I love this guy's attempt to deliberately sound like someone who speaks and writes broken English) "It is a great pleasure that you are interested in my house...Thanks for your email and it is my gladness hearing from you.I am Rev.Matthew Zablub,the owner of the family home you are making enquiry of."

Do people outside of America not use spaces between periods and the start of a new sentence?

Notes to Scam Artist:

1.) You're going to need to change-up the game plan here, start asking for more money. Refundable deposit? Who does that? Go non-refundable deposit. The prices you are listing are too good to be true. Let’s just shoot for a cool $2000, maybe even $3000. Shit, DC is full of jaggoffs that will pay this kind of money for an unreasonably small apartment, not only will the price seem more realistic but you're going to make more money in the end. You may even want to test the waters of the $4,000-$5000 range.

2.) Quit the "Coming to America" act, its tired an insulting to Africans. If you want to be insulting and successful, make it a Reverend from West Virginia who is going to go to "The Africa" to work with "The AIDS".

3.) The quote from the Bible too is a bit of a turn off. Nothing to do with the religion itself but the type of person who would put something like that in the ad, is more than likely a real Ned Flanders, a "sticklier-stickler do" to the rules, no leeway on a party that went too late, a friend that needed to crash a week or two, or won't even split the half-a-million dollars that we could have earned by subletting the apartment for this ridiculous inauguration. I see [that] in an add and I get the same dull thud in the gut of my soul, similar to when someone announces that "we're all going to this Christmas Craft's store first, before we head home".

4.) There are too many amenities for the price, its too perfect. Again jack-up the rent, and tell them that there is a lovely laundry mat via the Red-Line to the Orange/Blue Line at the GW Foggy Bottom stop where you can share laundry facilities with the most expensive university in the country.

5.) Really, you need the "Name of Pet"...I guess you're a reverend and all, don't want to see everything be peachy with the application, then only to find out that the cocker-spaniel's name, is "Tiny Hole".

6.) Smoking fine, understand...drinking, ok, I get it, you're playing the religious end. But do you work "late at night", you went too far, you passed naive and innocent went straight to moronically creepy/"what the fuck is it any of your business, I'll get you the rent"/over-doing it.

7.) Finally, learn from you "Banking" and "Lotto" cousins, you all are just being too ingratiating. You need to be more curt, mysterious, or maybe even trying being pricks. Like:

"Apt. Massachusetts Ave., $800 a Month"

"Hi, I saw the posting regarding the apartment; I would like to set up an appointment to come see the place"

(5 weeks later)

"Sure, what time?"

You can't seem so desperate, like me when I saw the ad.