[Last week, we posted on the topic of hecklers and how to deal with them. Today, Hampton Yount brings the topic up again with his insights on the many faces of the interrupting douche/heckler. Enjoy.]
Hampton here again, ready to bring you new emotions through printed word. Let’s cut to the chase. I made a list of the different kinds of hecklers I have seen or heard about. One of my secret pleasures is writing up lists: Favorite movies, favorite songs, and least favorite memories. If a really eccentric criminal threatens to put me on a desert island, I know exactly which five best Weezer solos to bring. So, in that tradition, I have decided to shine a light on comedy and list the different types of hecklers.
Note: All of these categories are made instantly more annoying if they are a girl. Award them five hundred Fran Drescher points! Herewego! (read that real fast…real fast)
The Oblivious
I’ll start with the one that is less a standard heckler but more of an annoyance. This is the guy who doesn’t realize a show is going on. Well, don’t be mad at him; it’s not like you’re on stage with a microphone sending your voice over a PA system. He probably thought God was trying to talk to him, and he lost his faith years ago (Too little too late, God!) The best is when you stop talking or draw attention to this character, and they act like you are being a jerk. I once got a “Sorry” so dripping with sarcasm that I used it as lubricant and jerked off with it. That’s how much I loved that moment.
The Idiot
This one might actually be my least favorite. This is the guy who shouts things that are neither good nor bad about your bit. It’s rare, but it makes me slit my mental wrists every time. I’ll give an example; I have a joke about Battlefield Earth (so fucking funny, I’m a genius!), and on several occasions, I have had someone shout loudly, “JOHN TRAVOLTA!!!” midway through my bit. Frustrated, I asked one of these guys “What about him?” and he said “He’s in the movie.” I then shouted at this man for several minutes.
[Hit the jump! He's on to something here, guys!]
The Helper
This is the one you hate to hate. He shouts stuff out with the intent, in theory, to help you. Either that or he laughs weird. He’ll shout something like “You are so funny!” or have a weird, show- stopping cackle (In all the cases of the weird cackle, I wanted to stop the show and PAY to watch the person laugh). The problem is that it can make you mad, but you have no idea where to place that anger. You can’t yell at the person because it feels weird to say, “Stop having fun!” The only solution is to hug the life out of him.
The Corrector
I think you’re getting the trend here; this is the person who tries to correct your joke. Usually you’ll quote a fact or make an assertion, and they want to make sure the audience isn’t made dumber by your slight misstep. Well, how fucking helpful! No, their help couldn’t have waited until after the performance. They need to make sure everyone knows John Goodman is actually a Virgo, you blasphemer.
The Impresser
Finally, a category truly worthy of hate. He is the pinnacle of douchebaggery, the guy who shouts things to impress his friends/date. His parents were two bullies who stopped punching each other long enough to look in each other’s goofy bully eyes and breed on top of a gym mat. Nine months later, they gave birth to something with no manners. The worst is that after this guy shouts something, he goes for “The Confirm” with whoever he is with, and is greeted with sycophantic smiles. Suddenly, your head drowns in memories of high school; how him and his posse laughed at your awkward boners. Not at mine though! I was awesome in high school! I had lots of cool friends, and I was voted Class Boner. Digression aside, The Impresser is just upset someone is funnier than he powerdreams he is. I recommend comparing this specimen to a type of failure. The balance has been restored.
The Leader
This is the heckler whose comments are dead on. He is speaking on behalf of the audience, and you can feel it in your pores. Fear this heckler; he is your doom. In an ancient primeval way, this heckler's scent has claimed dominance, and is verbally hitting you in the face with a femur while the audience/apes flap their arms in approval and hurl feces (the tomatoes of the ape world) at you. Maybe it’s time to rethink career choices.
Any more that you can think of?
4 comments:
While the first two posts on this subject are accurate and quality analysis of heckling, some readers may take interest in this opposing perspective.
The "I only like mainstream jokes Heckler"... even though the joke is funny, but a little on the blue side they'll yell out "that's not nice"/ "I'm not laughing at that".
Personally, I think that Travolta moment is the funniest thing I've ever heard.
The Decider --
This is when you are heckled by President George Walker (Texas Ranger) Bush. This usually only occurs if you're the leader of a nation which he has 'decided' is evil. He's really just doing it because he feels bad about his own leadership skills so it shouldn't be too hard to shut him down. The appropriate response is to point out that he has a 19% approval rating and has mired the country in an unpopular and unjust war. Also the economy sucks. If that doesn't shut him up, just wait until January 20th 2009 and then continue your set.
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