Boomer Sooner!!! ( A Tornado of Jokes)

This past weekend was one for the Books. I had a show in Norman, Oklahoma and had a reunion with 5 of my closest friends on the face of the Earth. Needless to say that I don't remember a lot of it, but thanks to photos I have memories. I won't talk about my reunion, but I'll blog about the show. Here we go...

I was nervous to perform in Oklahoma. Not because I didn't have faith in my material, but because I didn't have any faith in my material in that time zone. I know my jokes kill in Washington, DC and South Carolina, but was clueless as to whatSooners might find funny. I arrived in Norman on Thursday afternoon and until showtime on Friday night my performance weighed on me like a bag of doubt.

The Deli was the name of the venue that I played. I was opening up the band Galapagous, which my friend plays the keys for. The Deli isn't the most lavish of venues, but it's got heart and sometimes that's all you need. This was the first comedy show that this venue had ever had, and no one really knew howcomedy shows worked. So, I made sure that I had someone to bring me up and lay down some rules like "don't talk" and "pay attention" and "no cell phones". My friend "Crazy" Steve Baptist has a way with words so I asked him to bring me up. This is I got brought up: "If this guyaint ' funny...8-Balls for everyone!!!" That was the last thing out of his mouth. Do you know how much pressure you're under to be funny when the prize for your failure is free cocaine? I almost wanted me to fail just for the free blow. The street value of that 8-Ball would be more than what I got paid. (if you know the value of goodcocaine, then you know I didn't get paid much.)

I took the stage and talked about the free cocaine, the band for allowing me to open for them, and the lovely audience that came out early to hear live local stand-up comedy. That's the best feeling when people come out to support you, and they have never heard of you before. That's cool. I started off strong and kept it up the entire show. These people are in the middle of the plains and a lot of them have never even been to a live stand-up show before. It's an odd feeling to take someones live comedy cherry from them. Norman, Oklahoma I hope you enjoyed your virginity while you had it.

Everything was great up until my last joke. I started it and that's when this one guy felt it was time to inform me that I was Not Funny. He shouted out 3 times, so I took him up on his offer for conversation. He wanted me to know that he didn't want to say what he said, but felt he had to say it. I asked him why he didn't want to speak his mind in the middle of my show, and he responded with "causeI's tryin ' to be nice and didn't want to cause a problem." To which I responded, "and you are aware that that is exactly what you're doing now, right Sir?" I got a huge applause from the crowd, and finished my joke to laughter.

After the show I am taken aside by a guy who really enjoyed my show. I'm pretty sure he did because he kept shaking and holding my hand as he mumbled. He was Native American and loved me. He invited me to his house for a drum circle. I'm not making that part up. He invited me to beat on his tom tom's. So, just as Shakes to Much Hands was talking to me, the Heckler walks up to me. "Hey, you shouldn't make fun of god!" I reply, "I wasn't making fun of god, I was talking about people using god to advertise, especially Christians." Then he says, "You need to respect god, or you'll likely to your ass kicked!" I brushed him off and let it go, but Shakes to Much Hands didn't. He assured me in a mumble that he'd kick his ass long before he got to me. I like Native Americans. Why do ignorant Christians automatically turn to violence when they feel that their values are attacked? Becauseopenin' a big ol ' can of whoop ass is just what Christ would do. The main reason I'm not a Christian is because I don't want that guy on my team. If I had to go to Heaven and be surrounded by all of those people and NOT commit a sin against them, I'd go crazy.

This is how the rest of my trip went: