Andy Kline Interview (Part Two)...

I went back through your blog and find it way more interesting than the one I slap together. The stories and observations are pitch-perfect, however the last one you wrote was back in '08, am I missing where the "real" blog is somewhere else or do you just write when the inspiration hits? Have you ever been offered, other than 98 Rock's "Wrath of Kline", commentary slots for anything else?

I tend to blog only when I'm inspired. I used to blog more and I keep promising myself I'll pick up the pace again. That usually comes down to laziness. I have several blogs that are 75 percent done, then I lost interest. I keep threatening to randomly post five new blogs simultaneously, but I haven't done it yet. For a while, the Wrath of Kline sort of replaced my blog. But that's been over since last summer, so I have no excuse.

I got a lot of good feedback from the Wrath of Kline, and I've looked a little bit into recording and syndicating it myself, but I haven't received any clear answers on how to make that happen. I don't want to make it just another YouTube rant or podcast, but it might end up resurfacing in that form. I did talk to Mickey from 98 Rock's morning show about bringing it back there, but we haven't nailed anything down.

How did you like doing radio?

Radio was a lot of fun, but I'm definitely a second-fiddle kind of guy. I don't talk much and prefer only to open my mouth when I have something funny to say. So on the air, I'm quiet for several minutes, then I blurt out a punchline. That's not good when you're the guy who's supposed to carry the show, but with two other hosts in the room, it worked for me. Had I been asked to fill in and be the main host, I would have failed miserably. I can't even carry a conversation at the McDonald's drive-thru. If you can't order a sundae without dead air, you have no business hosting a radio show.

I did Irresponsible Radio every week for about eight months, and I felt like I was just beginning to come out of my shell when the show was canceled.

I think you more than live up to what you say in your bio, about not using stand-up as platform to move elsewhere, but do have other creative interests? Have people offered you roles for TV, film, webseries, etc..any of that interest you?

I'm actually sick of that bio. Not that I disagree with what it says, it just feels old to me. I need to rewrite it. But, the sentiment is still valid. What the bio is really saying is that I'm not doing stand up so I can host a game show or interview Nickelback on MTV. I just want to do stand up. That seems like a simple idea, but comedy is flooded with actors and opportunists just looking for another bit of exposure. They're not interested in the craft, and they're pretty ignorant to how it all works. Not that comedians shouldn't take commercials or TV roles; I'm just saying if you have no real interest in comedy, get out of the way. You're just taking up space and valuable stage time. I guess I'm a purist.

Beyond that, there's a real freak show aspect in stand up these days that I hate. I've said this before, but if Lobster Boy or The Bearded Lady were around today, their handlers wouldn't tell them to join the circus, they'd send them to open-mic night. Lobster Boy would have no interest in comedy, but he would get on TV in two years and eventually land a development deal so he could be an inspiration to us all.

Seriously, if Chang & Eng were around now, you can't tell me they wouldn't be juggling scalpels at some Funny Trap somewhere. After the show, they could sign your hat and t-shirt simultaneously. The shirt would say "Joined at the Hope."

I've never been offered any roles in film or TV, but that's okay because I'm a horrible actor. If I was to take a job like that, it would have to be a part I wrote for myself knowing my limitations. Of greater interest would be writing for a show or web series. I, along with a couple friends, have written a bunch of sketches, and I've written other things for people here and there, but nothing steady yet. But being a staff writer on a show would be a great job for me. I would love that.

Did hecklers throw you when you were first starting? Has handling them become just as routine as handling any other evriomental obstruction/obstacle, i.e. mic, set decoration, stage size...Did you write "comebacks" while lying in bed or was it a skill that just developed, or maybe it didn't have to...

They definitely threw me at first, but not so much anymore. I don't invite heckling or crowd work at all for that matter, but I'm pretty confident in my ability to handle it. It's just as routine as commenting on the mic or stage size, except you have to be funnier with hecklers than you do with bad set decoration. Also, most hecklers aren't yelling "you suck" or anything like that. They usually mean well, but just don't understand boundaries. They're drunk, and who doesn't love making fun of a loud drunk guy?

I think the initial instinct is to come up with the perfect funny line to shut the heckler down. At first, it's incredibly frustrating. You don't think of that line until about 3 in the morning after the show. Then, it becomes midnight. Then, you think of it just after you step off stage. Eventually, something funny will pop into your head in the moment. I've tried to sit and write lines for those moments, but they rarely work the way I want them to. To me, they wind up sounding detached, and the best heckler comebacks are completely in the moment. But, over the years, I have occasionally improvised things in the moment that wound up becoming stock comebacks. I don't like going to the stock stuff immediately, but It's good to have in a pinch.

Really, the "perfect line" thing isn't even how I do it anymore. These days, I wind up letting the heckler talk a little bit. Eventually, he'll say something that I can pounce on. I basically give him enough rope to hang himself. That takes another level of confidence. You have to really believe that, even though you don't have something funny right now, if you keep this conversation going, something funny will come out. Sometimes I can't think of anything and it gets awkward, but it's just as easy to make fun of the awkwardness as it is to make fun of the actual heckler. With a heckler, you have options. Comment on the heckler himself or comment on the environment created by the heckling.

Do you have a heckler moment that stands out for you?

If you ask me tomorrow, I'll probably have a different answer. But I had a good exchange with a woman at the DC Improv once. It's memorable because she got a big laugh (i.e. she won), and I came right back with a better line. It started after I mentioned something about Jews.

Her: I caught one. I got a jew.

Me: You caught one? Are you going to keep him or throw him back?

Her: ...

Me: You don't have a Jew. He's your friend. You don't own him.

Her: He's my husband, I do own him.

Me: Wow, he got a bitch.


Trust me, the timing was perfect.

You mentioned that stand-up has become an opportunity for actors and people looking to be seen and the comedy/craft take a backseat or are just thrown out the window, while your disdain is understandable, I've heard as much or even more disgust reserved (by other comics) for the long-time open-miker that just has never had it and never will get it, do you have more sympathy for the comic with good intentions?

In New York, you'll go to an open-mic and see the worst comic you've ever seen, then find out he's been doing comedy 12 years. The long-time open-micer is usually a sad story. It takes guts to quit comedy. As a comic, every time you talk to your family/friends, or every time you run into an old acquaintance, they ask you how the comedy thing is going. They talk you up to their friends. They say things like, "If you make it big, don't forget me." They ask if you have any jokes about them. Comedy is basically a means to get attention and quitting means you won't get that attention anymore (not to mention the immediate on stage attention). Your whole identity has become comedy, so getting out takes away your identity. Most comics are insecure, so they would rather bomb for a decade just to keep that charade going. They get used to the bombing. It stops affecting them. They get their high just from saying they're comedians. Taking the plunge out of comedy is more terrifying to them than taking the plunge into comedy.

I guess I have more sympathy for those guys. They're flawed to begin with, and the only thing comedy has done is deepen their flaws. But, they're probably never going to graduate beyond the open-mic's. If you're any good, you'll surpass them soon enough. The actors often have managers and agents who have enough pull to book them at clubs and festivals, taking up real spots on real shows. That's worse to me. But if I was still competing for open-mic spots, I'd probably say the opposite.

Patric O'Neil reminded me of the "Cringe Humor"/Tough Crowd group that has come out of New York. Some comics like O'Neil and Jim Norton seem to be able to do that sort of humor because it doesn't feel forced, it inexplicably comes from an honest place. But I'm sure they can't always get away with it. What goes through your mind when you see an open-mic comic using "shock" material? I'm not one for censorship but what advice might you have for someone just starting out that tells you that they have a "really good date-rape joke".

When I see a new comic going the shock route, I think he's looking for an identity before he has found his voice. It's something we all do, but while one guy does it with rape jokes, the next guy might do it by emulating Dave Attell or Demetri Martin. I did it by being over-the-top dirty. Most people outgrow that at some point, but you'll never be able to talk them out of it. It has to happen naturally. I would never tell a new comic he has to be clean or safe. But I would tell him to question his own motives and draw honest conclusions.

There's not a whole lot of rebellion in comedy these days, so if you have that rebellious streak, you don't have too many current role models. You might be flying blind a little bit. Before you have an act, the most rebellious thing you can do is to make a crowd feel uncomfortable, and that's where the cringe element comes in. It's a defense mechanism. It's "I'm such a badass, but I'm not funny yet. So I'll make it the crowd's fault. They're too conservative to laugh at the real shit. And by real shit, I mean ten minutes on pussy farts." You have a built in excuse for bombing. The same thing happens in alternative comedy, except replace pussy farts with unicorns.

Meanwhile, with Patrice especially, there's a ton of insight beyond the shock stuff. In fact, I don't find him very shocking at all. But for a new comic who's into Patrice, it's a lot harder to emulate insight than it is to emulate shock value. So they take what they can.

Your set destroyed at Jay Hastings' Roast. It seemed to come right into your wheel-house, is that when its almost too easy for you? What is your process for writing jokes in general?

I actually forgot to do what I felt was my best joke at Jay's roast, so like the whore comic I am, I've been trying to slip it into conversations ever since. Of course, slipping jokes into conversations is the type of thing people bashed Jay for during his roast. So, at the risk of being like Jay, here's the joke (only DC comics will get it):

I asked Jay why he wanted to move to Seattle. He said, "Well, it's always been my dream to get into the DC Comedy Fest."

Okay, maybe not the best joke, but my favorite. That joke wasn't even about Jay, but that's what I like about roasts. You get to bash everybody. That's definitely in my wheelhouse. Partly because my brother and I grew up insulting each other endlessly, but also, during my open-mic days at Wiseacres, the comics would bash each other relentlessly. If we followed one of our friends on the show, we would usually open our sets by hammering the previous guy. It became part of the routine...what am I going to say about the last guy. Every week was like a miniature roast.

It took a couple days for me to write anything for Jay's roast, but once I got over that hump, the jokes came pretty easily. In general, I have two basic processes for writing jokes. Usually, when I come up with a premise, I just bounce the idea around in my head for a few days or even weeks. I may or may not try working it out on stage. After a few weeks, the final bit just sort of emerges and it's done. Not a word written down. In fact, I don't have the final versions of most of my bits written down. If I ever fall down, hit my head and lose my memory, I'll be fucked.

The second process is pretty much the opposite. Overwriting. I'll take a premise and basically write a five paragraph essay on it. I'll explore a few different angles and try to draw some kind of conclusion. After a few days on the shelf, I'll read it back. Usually as I read it, I'll notice openings for tangents and punchlines. I'll probably wind up using about a paragraph total for the bit, but the extra writing will open up a lot of doors. That process usually yields better bits, and yet I use it less frequently.

Part 3 coming tomorrow...